80-71
80. Early In The Morning - The Gap Band
Gap Band IV (Total Experience / 1982)
One of my biggest character flaws is that I have the hardest time in the world waking up in the morning. If only I was more like Lonnie Simmons. As announced by the caw of some sort of urban-disco rooster, Simmons is up literally at the crack of dawn. “So I gotta get up early in the morning to find me another lover” goes the chorus. Now there’s a reason to get me out of bed. And I can relate to that. But, I gotta ask…. what’s even open so early? I don’t mean to be a dick, but this guy sounds so up in arms that you can just about picture him driving to the mall at 8 a.m. and heckling the poor women as they unfurl their Sunglass Hut kiosks. But it’s cool: my man is determined, steadfast, a person of action. I can’t knock that. And while the lyrical content alludes to this very-early, very-first part of day, it’s aesthetic is the opposite. It darts too quickly to be 8 a.m. at the mall. This is late night in the city, this is rummaging through trash cans. Poor Lonnie, he’s been doing this for who knows how long; and it’s jet-black night once again. Hopeless as it may seem, I’ll need to take Simmons’ advice. Gotta start waking up early. Just because I gotta.
79. Heavy Water/I’d Rather Be Sleeping - Grouper
Dragging A Dead Deer Up A Hill (Type / 2008)
Not only is Grouper (aka Liz Harris) already sleeping, the girl is out cold. “Heavy Water” is a fuzzy snapshot of Liz sleep-gasping as her raft (obviously made of woven fog wisps) gently sighs against a wet dock. It’s a miracle there are even any chord changes at all in the verses: they could have been early morning field recordings of any lake in the Pacific Northwest. That is, until the chorus, which finds Harris momentarily becoming slightly less unconscious, only to let you know that she’d “rather be sleeping” anyway. Gosh. And you want to offer her a life preserver or a pair of tie-dyed swimmies, but you’re already far too convinced that not only would she not take them, she wouldn’t even know how to use them.
78. The Hundredth Time - Gigi
Unreleased (2005)
Dear “The Hundreth Time”, My oh my, how you’ve grown!!! The first time I ever heard you, not even two months ago, I was so indifferent to you that I nearly deleted your file mid-first listen. But for some reason I paused, hovering in that moment where only out of sheer indecision does one wish to drag-and-drop something into the recycle bin’s abysmal hole forever, as to never have to make a choice about its honest value. But instead I did nothing. The next day I was casually listening to a newer crop of mp3s I’d recently foraged, and you happened to come on again. Somehow, I liked you more. A lot more. The next day I listened to you probably 3 or 4 times consecutively, and by the end of the week I’d burned you to blank-CD alongside nineteen other blessed songs, which I carried out to the car. I just wanted to congratulate you in having your fate secured for-all-time in my car-visor hall of fame. I’m so proud of you. See you tomorrow, I hope. Your Baby, John…P.S. What I like most is your Wall-of-Sound production. 
)))
77. Jungle Cry - Augustus Pablo
Authentic Golden Melodies (Rockers / 1974)
If you happen to find yourself listening to Jamaican dub or roots reggae and you hear a melodica, chances are you’re listening to Augustus Pablo. If, by an even slimmer chance, you happen to find yourself listening to Augustus Pablo and don’t know what a melodica is, chances are you wouldn’t have a rough time picking it out. The tonal quality of the melodica is a sound somewhere halfway between an accordian and my old computer printer (specifically, this crazy fucked up one i had in high school). If that doesn’t help, I could tell you that the band Gorillaz (brought to you by iPod) used one in that hit-single of theirs. I forget what it’s called. And also Ian Curtis played one sometimes. And according to the internet, so did Jars of Clay???
76. Son Of A Gun - The Vaselines
Son Of A Gun 12” (53rd & 3rd / 1987)
As much as I adore Nirvana, Kurt’s version of “Son of a Gun” (which first appeared on the Hormoaning LP) cannot hold a candle to the original. But it’s easy to see how a song like this would appeal to Kurt: literally three open major chords in the entire composition, droney monotonous vocals, a raggedly bare-bones almost-guitar solo, underlying weirdo specks of noise sprinkled throughout the backdrop, and most importantly, a brilliant shiny chorus that sounds much simpler than it actually is. The vocal melody executed on the “When you go awayyyyyy” lyric is the highlight. I’ve always thought “Son of a Gun” should be some sort of modern equivalent to Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine”. Except you can buy this in edible gummi bear form. And 10 years from now Sting and Everlast won’t release a cover version.
75. You Don’t Fit - Send Help
You Don’t Fit 7” (Mutha / 1983)
In the early 80s, Long Branch-based Mutha Records put out a number of really good records. Like, really good records. If you didn’t know it, at the time, places like Asbury Park’s Fast Lane and Long Branch’s Brighton Bar were home to a brand new crop of pretty important (and at the time, extremely overlooked) hardcore bands that just-so-happened to all reside at the central Jersey Shore (see: my backyard). One of these bands was Chronic Sick. On their aptly titled Cutest Band in Hardcore LP, dude has a hand-drawn swastika on his forehead and another is wearing a dress. Classic. Another one of these bands was Fatal Rage. Jacko (you know him) sang for this band who were banned from the same bar that, years later and to this very day, he works the door at. Classic. A third one of these bands, and my personal favorite, was Send Help. While musically not as in-your-face as the aforementioned bands, spot-on lines like “who needs this fucking world” and “i’d rather fuck sheep, if I did I wouldn’t get AIDS” quickly helped make their You Don’t Fit 7″ become one of my all time faves of this era in hardcore.
74. I’m Transmitting Tonight - Tim Hecker
Radio Amor (Mille Plateaux / 2003)
Can somebody wipe the dew off my nose? I’d do it myself but I’m too busy steering the boat. :inaudible dialogue: Yeah, well ordinarily I wouldn’t mind, but this Whaler’s made entirely out of glass…… Yep, Glass…… Yep, Boston. :Cough, cough, achoooooo: We’re just about to hit open waters so I’m gonna really gun it, you know? Wooooooooooooooooosh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shhhhhh. Y-y-youuuu f-f-feeeeeel that-t-t??????????????_______ack. Did you hear the humming this whole time? I suspect we’re suspended in ice. :inaudible dialogue: Yeah, a glac-c-c-c-c-c-ier. It’s melting.
73. Disturbia - Rihanna
Disturbia CDS (Def Jam / 2008)
Rihanna lost a couple points in my book this past fall after I caught her dismal MTV VMA performance of “Disturbia”. More than a few botched notes were sung, all those Mad Max Road Warrior-looking dudes were running around, and homegirl herself was kinda just hanging out as if she didn’t even know why she was there; it seemed too forced and limp all at once, but more than anything, was disappointing because it should have been really awesome (in all honesty, the Jonas Brothers performance was significantly better). This scenario also made it harder to now-argue the case to my also-VMA-watching friends that “Disturbia” was in fact, at the heart of it, a really good song. I made a quick comment, suggesting I was disenchanted by what I’d just seen. No response. So I kept quietly sipping on my Steel Reserve, all the while thinking to myself “but it iss a good song“, regardless of whether or not they were buying it. And here’s why. First off, lyrically it’s fairly odd and dark for a pop song, while musically it’s ignorantly blissful (ie you’re grinding up on an shadowy-figure when you should potentially be running for your life). The lifeline of the song is not a brief one, but instead quite comprehensive. It’s autobiographical. It’s designed for the artist (Rihanna) to live within, but also carries room for the spectator (us) to move around in as well. We are not presented with an “in spite of” dilemma. Rihanna is well aware that her situation is dire, but not for the sake of obtaining our sympathy. Furthermore, “Disturbia” has branded itself with a near-daft, definitely-undead cheerleader chant, which gives the song its legs as well as provides a playfullness which adequately contrasts the subject matter. Some specific highlights: Rihanna’s made-of-moonrock vocoder and billions of tracked vocals layered on so syrupy-thick that she might as well be singing through a fucking light saber; and the bridge’s “Release me from this curse I’m in” lyric coupled with some sort of Playskool electric xylophone . Hey, I got the goosebumps.
72. Leave It On Its Own (Pimmon Remix) - Sun
Sun (Staubgold / 2003)
I never know just where to place a song like this. See, it follows this roughly pebbled path headed in a definite direction to somewhere, but it’s also malleable just enough for me to plug it into a number a different scenarios which could potentially work beautifully. I run through the options in my head: hm, this might be nice take a brisk mid-afternoon drive to, or boy i’d really love to wake up early on a sunny Sunday morning to the sound of this playing softly, or i wonder what it would be like to have sex to this song, orwoah, my mom probably would really enjoy this if I burned the CD for her. Ok, I know what you’re thinking: the word “sex” and the word “mom” should never be so close to each other in any sentence. Ever. Cause moms don’t have sex. They just don’t. And you’re right. Anyway, I think I’m done now. I lurrrrve this song.
71. When You Were Pearls - The Bridal Shop
Bay The Moon CD-R (Cloudberry / 2007)
I swear to god almighty, can someone please tell me where the instrument-toting-Swede demon-seed first germinated from?? It seems like every other person in that country’s in a band these days. Ok, I’ll admit: although these people share my bloodline, I know little about the place itself. One thing I do know is that they’ve got that free health care set-up. Which is excellent. Conversely, a thing that I did not realize was that clearly someone passed a bill (I believe it’s called the Tigermilk Doctrine) which by law, requires the state to give each newborn child a microKORG along with a pressing of Belle and Sebastian’s second record. If you’re anything like me, this country to you now sounds like one of the lower tiers of hell (damn those blue-eyed devils), especially when you next find out that Bay The Moon was released as a THREE inch CD-R. I think it comes with a tiny scarf (scratch prevention). In any event, “When You Were Pearls” is kind of a pretty excellent song. Considering the sheer amount of music being shipped to us via them overseas, there’s a pretty fine line between shimmery ambient pop goodness, and grandma-sweater-wearing kitschy shit-rock. This sits near the top of the former category. It’s strength lies in it’s modesty, and I back that.
